Paintbox

I dropped my paint box today, it wasn’t my fault. If he didn’t shout so much I wouldn’t drop things.
It was warm and sunny and the car was shining like the rubies she used to wear.
That’s when I saw her. She was crossing the street again waving at me just before the red car came and killed her.
Dad said I imagined it, he called me stupid.
I wanted to cry this morning when I saw her in my room, I wasn’t afraid, it just hurt a bit inside. There was fire in my dreams and when I opened my eyes she was there all soft and white. I could smell her perfume, she smiled at me, and she was different but happy.
He kept telling me that she’s in heaven but I know God didn’t take her. Why would he? Why didn’t He take him instead? It wasn’t fair.
We were going to Aunty Junes today; the big house in the country. It’s grey and cold like a church but with a big fire in the living room. I was going to stay there; the whizzlehead said it was for the best. I hated him.
I liked Aunty June; she was nice, not like him. She always hugged me at the front door dressed in her flowery pinny with her hair in a bun and her sleeves rolled right up to her elbows. There’d be cakes and toffee and I would help her make my favourite ones with cherries in and crispy sugar on top and she’d smile at me when I made a mess. She had a nice smile; it was like mums only older.
I thought Dad was crying the other day but when I looked into his room he shouted and threw a shoe at me. He threw it so hard it made a dent in the door. I slammed it quickly and ran to my room.
He didn’t like my paint box anyway; he said it reminded him of her. She gave it to me. It was made of red wood with a strap for my shoulder and it had a little glass water bottle and all the colours of the rainbow inside, like the clothes she used to wear.
I remember when she gave it to me, ‘You can always have a summer’s day if you paint one’, she said.
I didn’t want to get in the car, I hate that red car. He made me get in it.
The water was cold; I couldn’t remember much, everything was quiet, then shouting and flashing lights. It smelled like the canal. I was shivering.
I kept hearing the beeping noises after, sometimes the beeps got longer. I couldn’t open my eyes anymore and I couldn’t see her, I could only think after that.
Today I heard a voice saying prayers like at Sunday school, I think it was Father Davies and he sounded wobbly.
He said I will be with her soon.