The Wedding

‘Would you like a drop of gin in your tea, Elizabeth?’ asked Jane unscrewing the cap.
‘No thank you dear, it’s a little early for me’ said Elizabeth tinkling the spoon in her cup. Did you say Robert was returning this afternoon?’

‘Yes, he’s picked up the cake, briefed the ugly sisters on our ‘Sin-derella’ and her ‘Princess Charmless’, revived them both with smelling salts afterwards, no doubt and persuaded them to come to the wedding. Quite an achievement for one morning I think.’

‘You mean they didn’t know?’

Jane sat down at the kitchen table opposite Elizabeth and stared at her cup.

‘No, they didn’t know. I mean, it’s not the sort of thing you shout out from the top window is it?’ Jane sighed. ‘I can’t believe it, five daughters, four weddings, neither of which has worked out and now this.’

‘Oh come on, Jane, this may be the most successful of the lot. Ruth is a lovely girl, strong minded and more than capable of making decisions as you well know. I was quite surprised Robert took it all so well; he always seems…oh I don’t know, so narrow minded sometimes.’

Jane looked up and chuckled.

‘Ha, he’s embraced this like a long lost son. The past four weddings nearly cleared us out; you know what he’s like, always the traditionalist. Foolish man, I told him before that most couples and families these days share the costs but he would have none of it’.

‘So what’s different this time?' asked Elizabeth, frowning.

‘Well, he says that as it’s such an unconventional ‘wedding’ it absolves him of any conventional expectations.’ Jane took a bite out of her digestive biscuit. ‘Not that Ruth would expect anything from him anyway, he never did understand her.’
‘Do they ever understand us women?’

‘No, never’ said Jane.

They both raised their tea cups and chinked them together

‘And may they never do so’ they both said in unison.

‘I can’t help but feel a little sorry for Ruth’s… erm ‘partner’ said Elizabeth, ‘those Aunt’s of hers can be quite the Harpies as I recall’

Jane splashed another measure of gin into her tea and grimaced.

‘They are Harpies, and ugly with it. Princess Charmless might yet find them agreeable company; personally, I’m just hoping she doesn’t show up. Ruth could do so much better…’

‘Oh Jane, really! Ruth seems so happy, you can’t deny that. Have you…found a hat yet?’

‘Yes, it’s about five feet across, red, with giant white spots on it. I shall look like a huge poisonous toadstool and, before you say anything, Ruth picked it out.’

‘Ha, ha, ha, she can’t be serious? Oh Jane I’m sure you’ll look lovely’

‘Ah, but you should have seen the face of the assistant at Willoughbys; it was like asking the chef for extra salt on my food, excruciating little man.’

‘Why what have you done?’ asked Elizabeth suspiciously.

A slow grin spread across Jane’s face.

‘You remember Ruth’s favourite stuffed toy?’

‘You mean Kermit the frog?’

‘The very same, well, he shall be accompanying me to the wedding’ Jane said with a twinkle in her eye.

‘Oh my God, what have you done?’

‘Let’s see who’s unconventional now!’

‘Ruth?’

‘Kermit, as we speak, is being carefully sewn to the top of my hat…’

Elizabeth spluttered her tea over the table as they both burst out laughing…